Paradox of Self

 LETTING GO TO DISCOVER.

These thoughts are just thoughts.  They are not me but they are a part of me.  They are useful.  They work out a solution to the problems I face based on the things I have experienced or learned before.  But, those experiences?  They are ephemeral - constantly drifting off into nothingness.  Some experiences are more salient than others.  I base my wants and fears on them as every step into the future is a step into the unknown.  Sometimes, it’s comfortable to hang around in the familiar where basic needs are satisfied and a social network is developed and then to negate the rest of the unfamiliar.  But, the unfamiliar is just what adventures and new experiences are for.

Without memories of experiences, we would only be acting on impulse.  Where, then, would be development?  Science?  Discovery?  We would only live to survive.  But, isn’t that all we do anyhow?  Live to survive?  With our ability to reflect on the past to decide our next step, we are a creative people who seek not only means to survive but also means to live.  Creativity is how all new discoveries and inventions come into place - innovation.  Creativity is how we explore and break the boundaries in art and beauty.  Creativity is the drive from our passions.  Yet, creativity and passion are still but an extension of consciousness.

Without this consciousness, would I still exist?  If I am still alive but am devoid of consciousness then surely I have existence but am unaware of it.  If I can fathom, to the best of my abilities, not existing, then I can possibly fathom existing whilst being unaware.  This point is what I want to look into - the point where consciousness meets existence.  I have to be conscious of consciousness to investigate such a thing.  This is the point where physics and metaphysics splinter off.  If I no longer exist, it makes me uneasy to consider also not having consciousness.

Many believe that consciousness perpetuates on into an afterlife - whether that be in Inferno, Paradise, somewhere in Limbo, or simply into another life form here on earth.  Of course, some adherents of a faith in some Paradise go even further to suggest that either the old body is resurrected and made new or that a new body is received.  In considering this and the belief in reincarnation, we see that somehow, even in the belief of an afterlife, we have a tough time fathoming formlessness - we experience bodies in space and time and thus we infer bodies in space and time in other realms we choose to create in our minds.  We cannot help but understand consciousness in tandem with a body.

That is the problem with dualism - the philosophy that investigates the mind as distinct from the body.  Non-dualistic philosophies guide one to find unity with themselves.  Dualism sometimes teaches one to reject the body as unreliable.  How do we navigate these sides of the same coin?  Why does dualism teach us to reject the body (sometimes subtly and sometimes hyperbolically)?  Dualism rejects the body in efforts to develop the mind believing the mind to be sacred - think of fasting or abstinence (asceticism).  By suppressing the body, we are trying to suppress our impulses.  By suppressing impulses, and spend more time in contemplation, we strengthen our reasoning faculties.  Dualism goes too far when it completely separates mind from body (spirit and earthly flesh).

Without the body, however, there would be no mind.  Without experiences firing up our neurons, without our hippocampus, we would have no memories to analyze.  Without our amygdala, we would not have fight or flight reactions to analyze.  Without the cortical regions, we would have a harder time suppressing the impulses of the amygdala and better assessing a situation.  So, completely negating body is and of it’s self negating the whole self.  

If I think that my mind is all of me, why should I care about my physical health?  It is only temporal, right?  But, if I manage my health I have a healthier mind to reason with. If I neglect the body, I don’t capture the whole of my being.  If I neglect my mind, it is likewise.  The mind is a powerful thing.  If I mess it up with drugs or too much sugar intake, I limit it’s capabilities.  Some people find hallucinogenics to open the gateways to the Beyond.  I’ve read stories of people who have felt this overwhelming sense of connection with the world much like I’ve heard stories of people and their near death experiences.

All that is happening is that under these kinds of conditions, our reasoning faculties are shut down and our mind sends images from a point at the brain stem to our occipital lobe and our mind tries to formulate a story off of these images.   It seems that the overwhelming sense of connection is occurring when we are no longer analyzing everything.  There is being - just no busying our minds with how we are being unless we are lucid.

And, we are all connected - undeniably so.  We don’t need an ecstatic experience to realize this.  Just a look at infrastructure, government, socio-economics, and anthropology makes it easy to see how connected we are - in reality.  We thrive off of each other.  We learn from each other’s experiences and we assess how best to interact with each person and consider our place in the here and now - navigating how to get what we need or get what we think we want.  But, how can I navigate my outer world if I haven’t yet navigated my inner world?  Again, how can I navigate my inner world if I am unaware of the outer world?

We cannot ignore Self.  Existence is undeniable to those who are conscious of it.  In experiencing the existence of others, I better experience the existence of my self.  From each individual experience, we share our discoveries, because we can’t help but create.  But, you will always be second guessing yourself if you have suppressed your self.  Or you will always think you have it all figured out if you have never second guessed yourself.  But, a sure thing about life is that we are going to miscalculate our steps.  That’s okay.  That’s how we progress in life.  Our consciousness evolves amidst the new lessons we learn.  Who hasn’t progressed in life who hasn’t overcome some form of suffering?  

Suffering can be physical or mental.  Nonetheless, there is ample evidence that stress and depression display physical symptoms.  So, to try and suppress mental suffering as nothing important is to ignore a whole experience.  Your solipsistic experience may not exactly be like mine but the question is - are you letting suffering hold you back from seeing today as it is?  

Would we know suffering if there was no death?  If there was no death, would we comprehend life?  The fact that we suffer is in major part due to the fact of decay.  If there was no hunger, there would be no food to fight for.  If we didn’t die of heat exhaustion or pneumonia, there’d be no need of resources.  We would simply be. Without fighting for or rationing resources, there would be no order, no government in any of it’s forms (Well, I guess there might be given that since nobody would be dying, overpopulation would definitely be out of control and we would be fighting for space.) Yet, this life of no want or need is a desirable construct. There is a paradox therein, though.  Desiring a place of no desire.  Coming full circle, death is just this - a place of no desire.  And again, would a life of no need induce us to want?  In a life of no need, we would be satiated - does this mean satisfied?

I could keep digressing ad absurdum to the point where you might lose focus in all my meanderings.  But, thoughts do meander.  That’s just what thoughts do, sometimes.  But, they pass.  Since they pass, they cannot be me.  But, they were a part me before they dissolved into nothing.  Who is to say that they are not Nothing to begin with?  They have no body so their existences only formulate within the boundaries of my mind.  I choose to let them pass or set them into action by creating.  But, even all this creating is not me.  And, herein lies the paradox of discovering and letting go of Self.