Icarus, Above the Rainbow
This person is left in fragments. How can he know what is real save for the skin on his bones and the earth beneath his feet? How can he trust anybody without reading into them some sort of manipulative agenda? Better to be stoic and not let anybody too close. Better not to show anybody his cards - as all life becomes one grand power play. Now, the struggle isn’t merely about the survival of the body. It’s the keeping safe of the mind - learning to analyze everything for a greater comprehension of it.
Analysis of the world requires an objective view of it. But, the paradox lies in the fact that the observer lives in this world which he is observing. Distance himself from it all, he might, but he is still there. Seeing one’s position in the world; however, does not give the world or the observer therein any meaning. Meaning, the observer, shoves down for his objective views but if he shoves down meaning, what is he? Can one handle meaning nothing? If one negates meaning, one negates purpose. If one negates purpose, it doesn’t matter how much he objectively analyses the world, he can do nothing meaningful in the world as he sees nothing meaningful. The paradox is that all this rationality tends to, in a way, irrationality. He forgets to be what he is - human. He is suspended.
The paradox here is also that seeing himself as meaningless, he gives meaning in this meaninglessness that he paints himself to be. Once again, he is here in the world. The feeling of meaninglessness is akin to worthlessness but the two are slightly different. Worthlessness is also a meaning one may unwittingly project onto themselves and walk about through self-defeating cycles, but mustn’t this worthlessness be compared to something that is worthy? Worthlessness and worthiness are value- based - more of an economic lens than an all-rounded one. When one feels worthless, it is generally society which made him feel this way. Meaninglessness is something he grants to himself. If I am nothing, I take the power away from you for making me worthless. I’d rather be nothing than be your puppet.
But he fools himself if he truly thinks he is nothing. He is not nothing. He is a human living on this planet we all agree to call, “Earth”. Every known thing and every known person gets a name. Somehow, naming a thing implies that thing phenomenologically means something to the one who named it and when that thing means something it can be used to describe other things or simply to tell stories more vividly (assuming the audience agrees upon the meaning of the indication of a name). So, even if he fragments to nothingness and casts off even his name, in order to “return” to the world, he can choose his new name.
However, he defines himself, if he sets about to be in the world, he needs some sort of drive to move therein. As he cannot expect the others therein to have disassembled even themselves in the same manner he has, he can easily get lost in the weight of worthlessness once again. But he understands that it isn’t just he that carries within himself these feelings of worthlessness. The feeling of belonging is part of the human experience. And a great chunk of the human experience involves suffering. All religions and social theories aim for some direction out of this suffering - Garden of Eden, Heaven, Nirvana, Moksha, Idylls, Utopia. What is it that we all search for? Happiness. If the individual seeks to mean anything in the world which he lives in, the weight of the world can knock him down. The moment in which one seeks is the moment they enter back into the world. So, wherein is this happiness?
In order to progress in any realm of life, one creates a blueprint. The blueprint is not the structure built or strategy played out, but it is a plan. The blueprint provides direction. It provides intention - meaning in the unknown future. I can tend to meaninglessness to guide me through the unknown or I can tend to happiness. While there may be other things to guide one - fortune, romance, idolization, power - meaninglessness and happiness are mental constructs that exist outside of the world. I may see that smile on your face but that doesn’t mean you are happy. But this emotional form of happiness we all know doesn’t last.
The happiness which I speak of can only be described but never perfectly. There is an old Zen Koan that goes something like this: The pointing to the moon is not the moon. So, I’d like to describe what timeless happiness looks like to me; however, inadequate such a description may be. It starts with the incipient stages of dualism - in order to a describe a thing, you also describe it by what it is not.
Happiness always seems to be painted in bright tones while meaninglessness (the void) is painted in dark ones. This is due to the difference between eyes open and eyes closed - open hands or closed fists (if you can poetically envision a micro version of yourself standing in these hands). When my eyes are open in the daytime, and it’s a clear day, I see. Timeless happiness is vivid - some speak of greener pastures. While on the one hand such platitudes as “the grass is always greener on the other side” may almost seem like a form of nihilism acquiescing in hopelessness, the pastures in happiness are so indescribably verdant. Nothing moves. Nothing is chasing; nothing is being chased. Everything is. And I am completely. My being present there is a form of weightlessness. My shoulders are no longer tense. My brow is no longer furrowed. This is the meaning of no pain. It doesn’t mean that pain and suffering do not exist. It means that pain and suffering do not define me. Pain and suffering are in the world which is in time. Happiness is in my mind and it’s like the Tree of Life that all people pick the fruit from in order for their minds to thrive. Thus, it is in the Hindu formulation that our bodies are mere vehicles or avatars. This body is in the world - in time. But, my body, also reacts to the stress I feel in my mind. And, thus, in order to reduce this stress, I must go somewhere outside of time. This is the happiness which I am describing. Timeless happiness.
And that’s the thing. The Egyptians laid out the template for the afterlife as well as Hermetic “Mysteries”. For many, this happiness is a future construct (afterlife). For others, this happiness can be tapped into, today. People and cultures have gone from alchemy to secret societies to religion in search of this liberation which all tends toward such a simple thing when seen in their proper light - as symbols.
Everybody is searching for something more. But, sometimes, it’s this searching that gets us caught up because we are striving in time. But the kicker is that in a world where you have to shake off how you have been defined and learn to define the world on your own terms, you get to choose what to make of it. You choose what happiness looks like. You choose whether to extract yourself from the equation or to be ever present there and at the same time ever your own person knowing you are not alone in learning to maintain such a balance. What does happiness look like to you?
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